Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
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I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
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No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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