so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
