It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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