Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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