OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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