come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
