The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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