we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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