So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
