Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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