we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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