Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He better not be in your backpack
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
