Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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