I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
