there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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