sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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