Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
