Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
