he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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