Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
