Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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