Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
