I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
