bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
