Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
