his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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