I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
