i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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