A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
