Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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