i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
