Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
