Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
