I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
