I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
