I'm so fucking centered right now
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
