The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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