So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I touched a dick in church today
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
