Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My dick has a subreddit
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
