why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
