$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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