I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
