he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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