My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
