btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize