Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
