I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
