We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
