In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
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My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
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Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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