Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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