Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
