Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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