remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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