As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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