Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
