There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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