You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
