apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
