My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
