yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
