apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
