So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
