drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
