Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
