I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i think my cat just said my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Never let your siblings swipe right.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize