i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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