you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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