Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I hate all girls vehemently.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
