guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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