She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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