I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
