Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
