Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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