Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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